I wish I could of been there when he needed me
by JustcallmeRiley
Summary: Alice wished upon a star that he could of been there for Jasper when he needed her. She find herself in 1855. May be triggering, Self harm and eating disorders will be shown. Offensive and racist language will be mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

This is kind of a spin off of the burn that cover his skin, except I re-did the burns that cover his skin and this is a spin off from that. Its basically like a spin off of a spin off.

I know its horrible.

Oh by the way, this isn't a story about religion. I don't even follow the same religion as him. I know this chapter could be looked at that way. but its not.

I don't own twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. Maha

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I thought about Jasper and I wanted to hold him and never let go. I can't even imagine everything he's been through. I looked at the stars and made a wish. I wish I could be there for him all those times he needed me.

I opened my eyes and I was on the floor. It was a dirt path. I was surrounded by old buildings. A boy approached me. He was maybe 12 years old. His blood smelled heavenly. He had blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes. He looked to be about 5' had greasy hair and oily skin, he had acne on his forehead and cheeks.

"ma'am, are you okay?" He asked. He had a southern accent and a very high pitched voice, for a boy at least.

"Yeah, I'm fine.I'm just lost, since I'm from out of town." I told him. I stood up and brushed the dirt off of the dress. I wasn't wearing what I put on this morning it was an old fashioned dress, very old fashioned.

"I can tell by your voice. Are you heading towards the church, since its very hard to find around here and its Sunday. What's your name by the way?" He said.

"Yes I was. Could you direct me towards the church? I'm Alice, what's your name?" I asked. I decided to just go with what he suggested since I had no idea where I was.

"I'm heading to church, so we might as well walk together ma'am. My name is Jasper Whitlock." He told me. Did wished made on stars actually come true?

He started walking on the dirt path.

"Where are you from ma'am?" He asked me. What should I reply?

"Mississippi." I told him.

"You walked from mississippi?" He sounded really shocked.

"Yes. I don't even know where I am. I am so lost." I told him

"Were in Houston Texas. Do you know today's date?" He asked me.

"No." I answered him.

"October 14, 1855." He told me. So Jasper is 11. But why would he need me when he's 11? I saw a church ahead of us and Jasper held the door open for me. I murmured a "thank you" and walked into the church. A bunch of young boys started laughing at Jasper when he walked in.

"He might as well be a negro, that's how stupid he is." I heard a boy whisper, causing more laughter. I was shocked, How could anybody say something so cruel in church nonetheless. None of the adults must of heard them, since they were talking before it started. Jasper found a seat in the back and I sat next to him.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Jasper asked me. Should I lie?

"No, I do not." I told him

"I could ask my father if you could stay with us. I am sure he would allow it." He told me. He sounded so mature for his age. He seemed so innocent.

"No, I don't want to intrude on your family." I told him.

"No you wouldn't be intruding. Besides we're all brothers and sisters and we must care for each other." I always knew he used to be very religious, but I didn't realize exactly how religious. I guess it was to be expected considering when he grew up. The priest started with a prayer. I looked at Jasper as we were singing one of the church songs and I couldn't help but notice his innocence. His face looked liked it was full of love and happiness. I wondered who took that from him. Was it Maria? Was it all the things he must of seen in the civil war. I don't know what happened. I don't know what made him realize how much hatred is in the world. But I know I wanted to destroy whatever did it to him.

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I have no idea if October 13, 1855 is even a Sunday. 1/7 chance I got it right.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own twilight Stephanie Meyer does. I'm not Meyer, if I was I would have midnight sun on my bookshelf right now.

songs that inspired this chapter (and the chapter before this) **Please read the bottom authors note**

superchick- hero

superchick- courage

superchick- beauty from pain

Get scared- keep myself alive

Joel Faviere- If they knew

Joel Faviere- the war against ourselves

Red- breathe your life into me

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It got really hot in the church, so I was relieved when it was over I wasn't sweating but the heat was still uncomfortable.

As we all got up Jasper leaned towards me.

"I'm going to talk to father John for a little bit. Can you wait for me outside?" He asked me

"okay." I said. I got up and walked outside of the church. I could hear Jasper talking to the priest.

"Father, do you think its possible for god to stop loving us?" he asked.

"Of course not. The lord loves us no matter what. Why would you think that?" He asked Jasper. Jasper breathed in deeply.

"No reason. I feel god's love, its the most amazing thing a person could feel. I was speaking hypothetically." Jasper told the priest.

Jasper walked out of the church with a smile on his face.

"Hi Alice. The walk home isn't far from here." He told me. Children were laughing.

"He's such a fool." They were making fun of Jasper. The tear coming out of his eyes made me think he heard it. He wiped the tear with his sleeve.

We were walking to his house.

"How old are you, Alice?" He asked me. What should I tell him? I don't want to look strange.

"I'm 16. How old are you?" I asked him. I figure 16 isn't much older than him, but I could still pull off 16.

"I'm 11." He said.

"Do you live with your mother and father?" I asked him. I knew he did not live with his mother. His mother died during childbirth when he was 5.

"Just my Father. My Mother died when I was little." He told me. We walked up to a small house. It looked very run-down. Esme would be freaking out.

"Father!" Jasper shouted, As he was walking in. I heard a fumbling in another room. I could smell alcohol.

"Can we have a guest stay with us until she finds another place to stay?" He asked

"sure." His dad answered. I followed him inside.

"You can stay in the guest room." He told me. We walked through a small hallway and Jasper walked into a room at the end of the hallway.

"This is where you can stay." He told me. It was a small, but decent size room. It had a two dressers. I think one of them was the "bathroom".

"Its a very nice room." I told him. I had no idea what to tell him. What are you supposed to say to your mate when he was 11, in 1855 when you're from 2013?

"Do you want me to get you a change of clothes? Have you been wearing them for a while? I can give you some of my mother's old clothes if you want." He said.

"Okay." I said

"I'll be right back." He walked out of the room and I heard his footsteps go further away. I looked at myself on a mirror on the wall. I had my gold eyes. My hair was in a bun, so I couldn't tell if It was still short, it looked short though. My skin was pale. Jasper came into the room with some clothing in his arms. He put it on the bed. I noticed a scar on two of his fingers. His pointer and middle finger. It looked like it was a little bit red. It looked like there was tooth marks?

"What's on your finger?" I asked him. His heart starting racing. There was a jolt of adrenaline through his body.

"Uh nothing its, always been there." He said. He was a bad liar. Something was up, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

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Any guesses on what the scar was? The chapters following **will** have graphic scenes, involving self harm. If this is going to trigger you or cause you to do anything you'll regret please don't read the rest. I would rather not have you reading my story then hurting yourself.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own twilight Stephanie Meyer does.

I really hate writing the disclaimer, but I don't want to get sued so its worth it!

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J_aspers eyes had red in them, mixed with golden. Anybody could see it._

_He slipped up._

_He was doing so good._

_He slipped up._

_He hasn't been close to slipping up since Bella's birthday party._

_He slipped up._

_He didn't hunt for a two weeks._

_He tried to stop, he tried to find the willpower to stop and change her._

_He couldn't._

I took the dress off and a small envelope fell out of my dress. I opened it and it had money in it. I counted it. Four Ten dollar bills and twenty one dollar bills. How much was that worth in 1855? A hell alot more then it was worth in 2013. I took the dress off and kept all the undergarment stuff on. I put Jasper's mothers dress on. It was a little bit too long, but it was still comfortable. I stuffed the envelope back in my dress.

I walked out of the room and Jasper was waiting outside of the door.

"Can you help me run some errands? I want to get some stamps and envelopes so I can try to send somebody a letter." I told him. It was so weird to think that I was talking to Jasper. It saddens me to think that this poor little kid is going to suffer as much as my Jasper does.

"Sure. Do you want me to show you where the shops are?" He asked.

"okay." He started walking through the hallway He went through the living room and we went out the front door.

We started walking through town and he started asking me questions.

"So, what's your last name?" He asked. What should I tell him? Cullen?

"Hale. My last name is Hale." I told him.

"Oh thats cool. Where are you from in Mississippi?" He asked. Might as well tell the truth right?

"A town called Biloxi." I told him

"What's your middle name?" He asked. I have to say, he asks a lot of questions.

"Mary. My full name is Alice Mary Hale." I said

Jasper walked into a shop and I went in with him.

"They have stamps here." Jasper told me.

"Good morning Mr. McCarthy. How have you been?" Jasper said to the man at the front counter at the store.

"I've been fine. I noticed your father and sister weren't a church today, Why did they not go?" asked. I browsed the shelves of the store.

"My sister was feeling ill and my father wanted to stay home with her to help her recover." Jasper said, he sounded like such a sweet polite boy.

"Oh, how is she doing? Is she recovering?" asked.

"Yes, she is recovering very well. Thank you for asking." Jasper said. I had no idea how to buy stamps.

"Jasper, can you come over here?" I said to him, in a whisper. We walked into the corner of the store. I very quickly grabbed the envelope with money out of my dress. There's no way anybody could have seen it.

"Can you ask for stamps for me?" I asked him.

"Okay, how many do you want?" he said

"Can you ask for seven stamps? I asked him. He smiled and walked up to the counter.

" can I get seven stamps for My friend?" He said that and smirked. Oh gosh, this kid was adorable.

"Do you have paper and envelopes too?" I asked. The sales person put a sheet of stamps and paper with some envelopes on the counter.

"That will be three dollars." I took out three singles from the envelope and handed it it him.

"Goodbye Jasper. Tell Rosie I wish her the best of luck recovering." told Jasper as we were walking out.

"I will, it was nice to see you." Jasper said to .

"You shouldn't keep that much money with you. What would happen if you lost it?" He asked.

"I won't lose it, I promise." I assured him.

"Is it my turn to ask questions about you?" I asked him

"Okay." He said and smiled.

"So your sisters name is Rosie?" I asked. I didn't even know he had a sister.

"Yeah, shes five. Father told me he wanted private time with Rosie so that why he didn't go to church. He spends a lot of private time with Rosie. But I never have private time with him." He told me. I thought it sounded weird that his father spent so much time with Jasper's sister alone. He was probably just over exaggerating it, I mean he is just 11.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked him.

"Blue." he told me.

"Why blue?" I ask

"Its the color of the sky." He told me.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked him.

"A doctor, it would be so cool to be able to save a life." He told me

"What's your favorite food?" I said

"Oh I love everything. I like bread a lot, so its probably my favorite." I found it odd the he likes bread, since he was as thin as could be. He looked to be like 50 pounds.

"What's your favorite food Alice?" He asked me.

"I like oranges, they look really cool." I told him. I did like the way oranges look, just not the way they taste.

"Your really nice Alice. I hope you stay with us for a long time." He told me. He was so sweet and adorable. He had this charisma about him. He's my little empath in training.

* * *

Aww he's an empath in training. This actually wasn't a filler chapter. Alice is going to need those stamps.

A ten dollar bill in 1855 was worth **$274.00 **today. That's a crap load of money. Correct me if the number is wrong through.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own twilight, Stephanie Meyer does.

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**Jasper's point of view.**

"You know Jasper, nobody's ever going to love you. Look at yourself. Fat, ugly, worthless. You would be better off dead. You'll go to hell and burn for eternity forever.

"Feel that hunger in your stomach? You deserve it! Feel those bruises on your stomach? Its all your fault!"

I woke up sweating. I swung my feet over my head so they touched the ground. I felt dizzy, since all the blood went to my feet. I stood up and opened the cabinet with the bucket. I leaned over it and stuff my fingers down my throat. I gagged, but nothing came up.

My stomach was empty. I ran into the kitchen and poured some of the water we always kept on the table into a cup.

I drank the water.

I ran back into my room and shoved my fingers down my throat as far as they would go. The water came out.

I shoved my fingers in further, and more water came out of my mouth.

I moved my fingers in my throat a little bit and the last bit of water came out, I grabbed a rag I kept in the drawer and wiped my fingers.

I moved away from the bucket and laid on the floor.

The high.

I felt like I was floating on air.

I felt loved.

I felt wanted.

I laid there and stared at the ceiling.

I was eating a peice of bread my father just bought us. I tried to swallow it but it wouldn't go down.

Was it stuck in my throat? I excused myself and went into my room. I stuck my fingers in my throat to try to get the bread out. I gagged but I was still reaching for the bread.

I threw up. I took my fingers out.

I felt amazing.

The pain in my ribs from when my father beat me didn't hurt.

I wasn't upset about my mothers death.

All of my problems just floated away.

I felt a smile on my lips.

This is what heaven must feel like.

I could stay like this forever.

I can pretend that nothing else exists except me.

I can float in heaven. for as long as I want.

If I could live forever, this feeling is what I would live for.

* * *

We know Jasper's secret now! That's what the scar on his fingers were. People with bulimia sometimes get a scar on there fingers. Its from the stomach acid in your stomach that come up after you throw up. He also has a scar from his teeth scratching his hand in his mouth. That's why your throat hurts after your throw up.

This was a short chapter, sorry guys. Do you like Jasper's point of view?

There's going to be graphic descriptions self harm (cutting) in the upcoming chapters, I'm just developing the characters a little bit.

**Please review guys.** If nobody reading I'm not going to bother posting anymore, since I probably wouldn't write as much as I do.

Does anybody wonder why Jasper's father and sister haven't been around? Why do you think? Theories anybody?


	5. Chapter 5

_I dont own twilight Stephanie Meyer own twilight. The only character I own is Jasper's mother, ._

**Guys I'm not dead. I have no idea where this chapter came from, it was originally for the burns that cover his skin, but now its for this story.**

That's Jasper's mother, if it wasn't obvious enough. Oh and I'm going to Florida this morning (my flight leaves at 7 and its 3 and im still awake) so don't expect any new chapters for any of my stories anytime soon. Please tell me about my grammar mistakes, since I didn't proofread this chapter.

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_January 5,1853_

I tip toed into my momma's room and went next to her bed.

"Momma" I whispered. Her eyes opened and she looked at me.

"Did you have a bad dream?" She asked me. My momma was always really nice and gentle. I nodded. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. I reached up to her and she picked me up. She tiptoed into my room and layed me down on my bed. She tucked the blankets in and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"Good night Jasper, baby." She murmured. She stood up and started walking out of my room.

"No momma, don't leave" I begged her. She looked like she didn't know what to do. She went over to me and layed next to me on my bed. She wrapped her arms around me squeezed me.

"Momma loves you so much,baby," She whispered in my ear. I smiled.

"I love you momma. You're the best mommy in the whole entire world," I told her. My mommy is so beautiful too, she has pretty yellow hair and blue eyes.

"Go to sleep baby. Momma's gonna be here when you wake up." She murmured into my ear.

"I'm scared momma," I told her.  
"Why are you scared?" She asked me. She sounded like she was really worried.

"I don't want papa to hurt you anymore." I whispered. I wasn't sure if she heard it.

"I'm fine baby. As long as you're safe Jasper, I'm happy," I could tell she was smiling when she spoke about me being safe. She started stroking my hair wand wrapping her fingers around the ringlets.

"Are you safe, momma?" I asked her. She didn't say anything for a couple seconds.

"Why don't you try to go back to sleep?" She tear fell out of my eye and dripped onto the bed.

"But what if I have another bad dream?" I asked her.

"If you have a bad dream you'll wake up and momma's gonna be right here and I'll remind you that dreams are just pretend. Will it help you to talk about your dream?" She said.

"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up?" I spoke.

"I promise, baby," She said. I closed my eyes.

"Good night momma, I love you" I told her.

"Good night baby, I love you." She said.

I woke up, though not from a nightmare and she was still there just like she promised. I can always trust my mommy. I love my momma so much.

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Please tell me about my grammar mistakes, since I didn't proofread this chapter.

**PLEASE REVIEW! Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged, just be nice about it.**

Shit guys, the keys of my laptop are sticky today. wtf?


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